It’s the end of a long day, and all you want is some “me time. Instead, you’re met with a toddler fighting sleep, endless requests for water, and sudden “fears of the dark.”
Toddler bedtime battles are incredibly common. They usually stem from a mix of separation anxiety, a drive for independence, or a shift in their circadian rhythm. Whether you are dealing with the 18-month sleep regression or a 3-year-old testing boundaries, these tips will help you reclaim your evenings.
How To Manage A Toddler Resisting Bedtime: 8 Expert Tips for Peace
There are many potential culprits that could be behind your toddler resisting bedtime. Once you can find the root of the issue, it’s much easier to navigate this phase and make bedtime easier!
Tip #1: Recognize the Signs of a Sleep Regression
Toddlers have a LOT of developmental milestones that occur between the ages of 18 months-4 years old. Toddler sleep regressions can occur when language and physical developments start to increase, when they transition from a crib to a toddler bed, or if there are other big changes going on. These changes can make it much harder to get your toddler to go to sleep. Sleep regressions commonly occur in toddlers who are 12 months, 18 months, 2 years, and 3 years old.
If your “good sleeper” suddenly starts refusing bedtime, you might be hitting a toddler sleep regression. The key is to remain consistent with your toddler sleep schedule so these phases don’t become permanent habits.
Tip #2: Watch for Circadian Rhythm Shifts
You can’t wave a magic wand to make your toddler tired, but you can control what happens leading up to bedtime. For some toddlers and school-aged children, winding down and getting mentally and physically prepared for bedtime can take up to 2 hours. Now don’t worry, you don’t have to go overboard and create a 2-hour bedtime routine. However, try to be thoughtful and intentional about the activities that your toddler is doing an hour or two before bedtime.
As toddlers grow, their “sleep pressure” changes. If your toddler is wide awake at 7:00 PM, they may be experiencing a circadian rhythm shift. You might need to:
- Cap the daytime nap to 1.5-2 hours
- Push bedtime back by 15-30 minutes (also known as bedtime fading)
- Ensure at least 5-6 hours of “wake time” between their nap and bed
Tip #3: Create an Optimal Environment for Winding Down
The hour before it’s time to sleep can directly impact nighttime sleep. If your toddler is refusing to go to bed or is fighting sleep, you will want to create a relaxing environment about an hour before bedtime. No rough-housing or aggressive play at this point, no blue light from screen time, and nothing sugary to eat or drink (these can all result in a toddler resisting bedtime). Your goal is to help prepare your child’s body for a long stretch of sleep. There are tons of toddler sleep products to help your little one become tired and achieve deep sleep!
Practice Bedtime Yoga: Some children find this to be overly stimulating, while others enjoy this physical activity prior to bedtime. Sleepy Little Yoga is one of my favorite books to help calm the body and the mind through yoga.
For children having a hard time settling their minds and thoughts, you can put on a guided meditation. This would occur the last 10-15 minutes of their routine should take place with them lying in their bed listening to a guided meditation for children. There are tons of free guided meditations on YouTube, or you can start with a free trial on Head Space.
Deep Breathing: Meditations are very relaxing for the brain, which is good for a child who may be feeling a bit of anxiety at bedtime. However, if you choose to listen to these meditations you’ll want the screen to be dark to avoid any exposure to technology!
Tip #4: Feed the “Bedtime Hunger”
Sometimes a toddler resisting bedtime actually is hunger. Offer a high-protein, low-sugar bedtime snack about 45 minutes before sleep.
- Best Sleep Foods: Bananas, tart cherry juice, or whole-grain crackers with hummus
A word of caution about giving anything with fruit, dairy products, or regular cereal: If you’re going to offer these foods, be aware that there is sugar in these foods that could give your child a sudden boost of energy. You may want to experiment with them first to see if your child has a reaction.
Tip #5: Regular Exercise During the Day
The more physically active your toddler is throughout the day, the better they’ll sleep at night. When the body has been stressed like that, it will automatically attempt to recover from this stress by producing more deep sleep than usual that night. Exercise also improves your child’s mood and helps to reduce stress, anxiety, or tension.
“Exercising” simply means being physically active. For your child that might mean riding a trike, dancing, running, skipping, jumping, playing at the park, swimming, or playing in the snow. For days that you can’t get outside try dancing, playing tag, doing some jumping jacks, or games like “Simon Says” (where they can copy your moves).
As long as your child does at least 20-30 minutes worth of physical activity during the day, they’ll be more tired at night. Try to avoid exercising too close to bed, as it will raise their body temperature, making it more difficult to fall asleep. Quiet or calming activities are better suited before bed.
Tip #6: Use Toddler Clock for Visual Boundaries
Toddlers don’t understand time, but they understand colors. An ok-to-wake clock acts as a visual boundary. Tell them, “We stay in bed until the light turns green.” This is a game-changer for toddlers coming into your room at night.
Tip #7: Make Sure You Have A Consistent Toddler Bedtime Routine
Having a bedtime routine with a clear, consistent series of events is critical for toddlers to help them learn that it’s time for sleep and provide you less stress leaving the room. This will help minimize the chances of your toddler resisting bedtime. About 30 minutes before bed, start with their bedtime routine. For this age, I’d recommend something similar to the following sequence:
- Bath (on bath nights)
- Bathroom (if potty trained) or change into diaper
- Brush teeth
- Change into pajamas
- Let your toddler pick 2 or 3 books (giving them options will help give them a sense of power throughout the routine, but limiting the options also establishes the boundaries)
- Sing a song
- Turn on a white noise machine
- Shut off light
- Lay into your toddler’s bed, say goodnight, I love you
- Close the bedroom door and leave
Tip #8: Navigating Fear and Toddler Separation Anxiety
Sometimes, a toddler resisting bedtime is the result of fears and anxieties. I’d recommend you check out any of the following books and read them to your child if need be.
These books cover a variety of fears including being afraid of the dark, which is a common fear!
Little Mouse’s Big Book of Fears
Back to Bed, Ed (great for kids who need help staying in bed!)
The Invisible String (great for kids who are struggling to fall asleep on their own)
Sleep Shore Sleep Consulting
Stop guessing your way through naps and nights. The problem isn’t that your child can’t sleep – it’s that your current methods and cycles are teaching them the wrong skills. You’ve tried everything to help your little on self-soothe, and you’re exhausted from the constant wake-ups and struggle. YOU deserve more! Waiting from them to “grow out of it” is costing your entire family months of crucial rest.
We don’t just give you a tip; we provide personalized, age-appropriate solutions for newborns, infants, and toddlers that teach the core, life-long skill of independent sleep. STOP losing sleep over a problem we can solve in days.
Sleep Shore offers expert 1:1 support (including in-home services in Boston, Central Michigan, and Northern Michigan). Our calendar is filling fast – we are only accepting a limited number of new clients every month. Don’t wait another week. Click here to schedule your consultation and secure your family’s rest!
See what this mama had to say about our sleep services below:
“Danielle has changed my family’s life, I’m not even exaggerating. My 2.5 year old son had never gone to sleep on his own. We would rock him for upwards of two hours every night before he would finally (or hopefully) be asleep enough for us to sneak him into his crib. Nearly every night he would wake up crying and would end up in bed with us or one of us would sleep the rest of the night with him on the couch. When I heard about Danielle from my sister, I really thought we were past helping but I thought I would give it a shot. After a phone consultation she sent us a sleep plan with two different plans for me to choose from. It was clear to me that Danielle has a lot of expertise in this field and was very kind, down to earth, and nonjudgmental. She answered all of my questions thoroughly.
Once we began sleep training, she was there for me all along the way (sometimes texting late into the night to make sure we were doing ok, giving advice on what to do, and just being a reassuring voice that we can do this!). I am telling you I was so skeptical but by the third night he was hardly crying at all when we would put him in the crib AWAKE! By the end of the first week he was going to bed in his crib and not crying at all. I truly didn’t think that this could or would happen let alone for it to take less than a week!!! He now sleeps through the night every night and goes to bed without a fuss. I very highly recommend this sleep consultation service! If you are struggling with your child’s sleep habits (or lack thereof) like I was, talk to Danielle and be prepared for her to change your life.”
-Toddler Mom