While newborn sleep is shouted from the rooftops, no one seems to acknowledge the difficulties of toddler sleep and toddler sleep regressions. As someone who has been personally victimized by toddler tantrums, protesting, and refusal, it is just as hard as newborn sleep. Honestly, it is sometimes harder. If you find yourself spending hours with bedtime protesting, waking up throughout the night with middle of the night wakings, and just feeling completely hopeless, you aren’t alone. Let’s dive into some common toddler power struggles with strategies and interventions to manage them.
Toddler Sleep Training
Toddler sleep training is so much more comprehensive than infant sleep training. One large piece of the puzzle many parents struggle with is that the methods they used a year or two ago are no longer working. The key to successful toddler sleep training is to utilize specific sleep training methods WITH behavioral support during the day.
Toddlers and young children are given crystal clear expectations and rules during the day. They also are given consequences if they don’t follow those expectations and rules. Some toddlers struggle without black and white rules. We often don’t set up structured rules for overnight sleep. Before implementing any change to rules or expectations, you should definitely sit down with your child and explain their expectations moving forward. Your word is GOLD. Remember that.
Toddler Behavioral Toolbox
Tool #1 – Bedtime Routine and Reward Chart
Having a visual representation of the rules and expectations surrounding sleep can make a huge difference with toddlers. By creating a chart, you are verbally and visually holding them accountable for their behavior.
With a toddler bedtime routine, the goal is to let your child tell YOU what he or she needs to do next. Think of it like a scavenger hunt. The pictures allow your child to know what’s next and be in charge of the routine, which can help speed up the process. A lot of the regression behavior seen in toddlers comes from a place of asserting control (this is a normal part of their developmental process).
Make sure your tasks on the sleep chart relate to your goals. If you want your child to go to bed quietly and calmly, make that a task on the chart; “X went to bed calmly.” Explain to your child that if they complete tasks successfully, they can earn a reward or prize. Prizes don’t have to be presents, they can include special time with mom or dad, a special outing, stickers, or a food treat (like an m&m or mini marshmallow). Think about what motivates YOUR child. Toddler sleep training is more comprehensive because every child is different. You have to find what motivates and works for you, your family, and your lifestyle.
As you start using this reward system, I would have you consider giving something small for each check mark to encourage continued positivity. Kids THRIVE with positive reinforcement. Every win, even small, should be celebrated. If you plan to reward your child only once they sleep through the night and follow all the rules, it won’t be super motivating.
Tool #2 – Role Playing
Another tool that works REALLY well for this age is role play. Sit with your child and have him or her get favorite stuffed animals, babies, or dolls. Reenact how they should go to bed. Make sure to praise the toy when they go to bed easily. If they fight going to bed, ask your child to help them go to sleep and give a lot of praise for helping. You can even have them tuck in their stuffed animals and practice bedtime routine during this process.
Tool #3 – Bedtime Books
Many toddlers are dealing with fears and anxiety surrounding sleep or separation. While this is normal, it is totally real for your child. Teaching them how to manage these emotions is a lifelong skill. Books can be a great way to help your child make connections and feel heard. Here are some of my favorite bedtime books for toddlers:
Little Mouse’s Big Book of Fears – Conceptualizes fear (not just sleep related) and helps children lead with courage
Orion and the Dark – Focuses on fear of the dark; puts a brilliant magical twist on the fear
When I Feel Scared – Geared towards a younger toddler; helps process the emotions surrounding fear
Scaredy Squirrel at Night – Focuses on combating fears and strategies to be brave
Invisible String – Focuses on separation anxiety; can be incredibly helpful when your child is struggling with “being alone” at night
Tool #4 – Okay to Wake Clock
The “ok to wake” light/clock can be an incredibly helpful tool if your child struggles to stay in his or her room. The light/clock will be programmed to indicate that it’s ok to get up for the day. You can program the clock with a favorite color or following a specific concept. For example, the red light (stop and sleep) and the green light (go and get up) can be simple and effective for toddlers. Explain this in simple terms. The repetition of this explanation will help your child begin to understand how it works.
Tool #5 – Happy Sleep Spray
Giving a child ownership over her sleep and/or sleep environment can help eliminate anxieties and fears. I love creating a special spray with kids this age that they can spray their room with before going to bed.
You can use anything you’re comfortable with. Some people might suggest a spray bottle filled with water and glitter and food coloring. That’s not what I would suggest. (Be aware that food coloring can cause staining on clothing, furniture, or flooring, and that glitter can be difficult to remove from certain surfaces). Possibly using water mixed with essential oils for sleep (lavender, etc.) as an alternative.
Tell your child that spraying this will help have happy dreams about (insert favorite things here). Again, this gives them a sense of ownership in the process.
When Should I Drop my Toddler’s Nap?
Every child drops their final nap at a different age. If your child is consistently skipping their nap, or bedtime is a FIGHT, it is time to consider dropping their nap (especially if they are over 3). It is so important to transition from a nap to quiet time. Quiet time is beneficial, even for children older than 6, because it allows them to reset their minds and bodies.
Does My Toddler Still Need a Bedtime Routine?
YES! Your toddler definitely needs a bedtime routine and appropriate bedtime for optimal overnight sleep. Try to create a relaxing environment about an hour before bedtime. No rough-housing, aggressive play, screen-time, or sugar before bed. Your goal is to help prepare your child’s body for sleep.
Your bedtime routine can be similar in order to what you may have done when they were an infant:
BATH
BRUSH TEETH
PAJAMAS
2 or 3 Books (reference the list above)
1-2 Calming Activities
How Long Does Toddler Sleep Training Take?
It truly depends on the method and behavioral strategies you pair together. It also depends on your child. More gentle methods do take more time to see progress. If you have been struggling with inconsistent sleep for a year or more, or if you have resorted to co-sleeping, breaking those habits can take time. Toddlers take time. Give yourself and your child some grace throughout the process. It is so challenging. Stay consistent and you will see results.
Sleep Shore Sleep Consulting
Despite implementing our strategies above, is your toddler having difficulty sleeping independently? If your child is unable to fall asleep, stay asleep, or wake up at a normal time, it may be time to consider sleep training. Sleep Shore offers personalized solutions for each unique sleeping situation to get your little one on track- whether they’re a newborn, infant, or toddler. We also offer in home sleep training services in the Boston, Massachusetts, Central Michigan (Midland, Clare, Mt. Pleasant) and Traverse City, Michigan. Sleep training offers babies and children with the skills to fall asleep on their own so they can wake up feeling more well-rested- and in turn, you’ll feel more energized, too! See what this mama had to say about our sleep services below:
Check out what this mama shares below:
“Danielle has changed my family’s life, I’m not even exaggerating. My 2.5 year old son had never gone to sleep on his own. We would rock him for upwards of two hours every night. He would finally (or hopefully) be asleep enough for us to sneak him into his crib. Nearly every night he would wake up crying. He would end up in bed with us or one of us would sleep the rest of the night with him on the couch.
When I heard about Danielle from my sister, I really thought we were past helping. I thought I would give it a shot. After a phone consultation she sent us a sleep plan with two different plans for me to choose from. It was clear to me that Danielle has a lot of expertise in this field . She was very kind, down to earth, and nonjudgmental. She answered all of my questions thoroughly.
Once we began sleep training, she was there for me all along the way. Sometimes texting late into the night to make sure we were doing ok, giving advice on what to do, and just being a reassuring voice that we can do this! I am telling you I was so skeptical.. By the third night he was hardly crying at all when we would put him in the crib AWAKE! By the end of the first week he was going to bed in his crib and not crying at all.
I truly didn’t think that this could or would happen let alone for it to take less than a week!!! He now sleeps through the night every night and goes to bed without a fuss. I very highly recommend this sleep consultation service! If you are struggling with your child’s sleep habits (or lack thereof) like I was, talk to Danielle and be prepared for her to change your life.”
Mom of 2.5 Year Old