Life was good! You had a routine, your toddler was sleeping, and you had your alone time every evening. Suddenly, overnight, everything changed. The sight of the crib triggers a meltdown, and you realize you don’t have an infant anymore. Your toddler is clinging to you like their life depends on it. Even trying to set them in their crib feels like an olympic event.
If you are currently pacing the hallway, sitting on the floor beside your child’s crib, or co-sleeping with your 13 – 18 month old, know this: you are not alone. One of the most challenging regressions occurs around 18 months. It isn’t just about physical growth. It’s a storm of cognitive leaps, emotional shifts, and a sense of independence that all make independent sleep incredibly difficult. So why do 13-18 month olds suddenly refuse to sleep alone? It is common and with a plan, can be fixed.
Developmental Milestones that Disrupt Sleep
At this age, your toddler’s brain is undergoing a MASSIVE shift. While these milestones are exciting, they are typically the primary cause of major sleep shifts during naps and overnight.
Separation Anxiety
Around 15 months, separation anxiety often hits a secondary peak. Your toddler is becoming more aware of their attachment to you. During naps or at night, they may begin to wonder where you go when you leave the room, and they may begin to feel the distance. This can lead to sudden sleep refusal as they try to keep you close.
Cognitive Skills
Object Permanence: Your toddler now fully understands that when you leave the room, you still exist somewhere else. Unlike an infant who would cry for a bit when they were upset, and then go to sleep, toddlers can put up quite a fight. Standing, jumping, screaming, and yelling are all behaviors that toddlers may start to exhibit in their crib when they are upset. You will probably see these behaviors during the day as well. Although it can be jarring, it is normal for toddlers as they learn how to manage their BIG emotions and feelings.
Increased Memory: They can now remember that “last time I cried, Mommy came back and slept with me.” This can be a slippery slope for parents. Bedtime protesting can become more persistent and intent if a child remembers that you rocked them, held them, or slept with them before.
Why Do 13 – 18 Month Olds Suddenly Refuse to Sleep Alone
It is incredibly frustrating and overwhelming when your previous “good sleeper” suddenly struggles to sleep independently or seemingly will not sleep alone. Toddler sleep refusal at this age is so common and actually a sign of intelligence.
As we know, for infants and younger toddlers, crying is their primary form of communication. They aren’t trying to be “bad,” but they are overwhelmed too. This is an age when sleep associations form quickly, so if you begin a new habit – like co-sleeping with them or laying next to their crib for hours – to stop the crying, your child will quickly come to view that as a requirement for sleep.
Strategies to Help Your Toddler Sleep Alone Again
Reclaiming naps and nights requires a balance of boundaries and comfort. During sleep refusal, toddlers do not just magically start to sleep independently again. It is important to feel confident with a solid plan that will provide structure for your child and for you.
- Consistency is the Foundation: Choose a sleep training method and stick with it. If you implement a method on Monday, co-sleep on Tuesday, and practice Extinction on Wednesday, your toddler is going to be incredibly confused. Confusion can lead to anxiety, which can lead to more crying. Pick a method you are comfortable with and stick with it.
- Age-Appropriate Sleep Support: You can offer comfort without creating sleep crutches. Instead of falling into the habits of rocking or feeding your child to sleep, try one of the following:
- A “floor stay” method where you sit nearby but don’t engage in interactions
- A “check-in” method to provide verbal reassurance
- Introducing a lovey or security blanket (safe for toddlers over 12 months)
- Responding to Night Wakings the Right Way: If you toddler is waking up in the middle of the night, respond with minimal stimulation. Keep the lights off and interaction to a minimum. If you rush in too quickly, or offer interaction, you are accidentally rewarding their night waking, and potentially making it more likely to happen again…tomorrow.
Daytime Schedule Mistakes that Worsen Nighttime Sleep
Sometimes the reason why your toddler is refusing to sleep alone isn’t emotionally, but it’s biological. A poor 13-18 month old sleep schedule can often be the hidden culprit behind bedtime resistance and middle of the night wakings.
The 2-to-1 Nap Transition
Most toddlers drop their second nap around 16 months. It can vary though and sometimes toddlers are ready to drop at 13 months! Others don’t need to drop until 18 months. If your toddler is still on two naps but fighting bedtime, they may be undertired. On the flip side, if they’ve moved to one nap too early, they may be overtired, which makes it more difficult for them to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Wake Window & Schedule Drift
At this age, most toddlers need a wake window of 3.5-4 hours before bed. If this wake window is too short, they won’t have enough sleep pressure to stay asleep. If this wake window is too long, it often leads to overtiredness and false start wakings. Your total sleep goal for a 13-18 month old should be between 11-14 hours of total sleep in a 24 hour period. Aim for a nap to be at least 90 minutes and cap total daytime sleep at 3 hours.
Please hear this: you haven’t ruined your child’s sleep habits. If your toddler doesn’t want to sleep alone, with a plan and consistency, you can get them back on track! Give yourself and your child grace during this complex developmental period.
Sleep Shore Sleep Consulting
Stop guessing your way through naps and nights. The problem isn’t that your child can’t sleep – it’s that your current methods and cycles are teaching them the wrong skills. You’ve tried everything to help your little on self-soothe, and you’re exhausted from the constant wake-ups and struggle. YOU deserve more! Waiting from them to “grow out of it” is costing your entire family months of crucial rest.
We don’t just give you a tip; we provide personalized, age-appropriate solutions for newborns, infants, and toddlers that teach the core, life-long skill of independent sleep. STOP losing sleep over a problem we can solve in days.
Sleep Shore offers expert 1:1 support (including in-home services in Boston, Central Michigan, and Northern Michigan). Our calendar is filling fast – we are only accepting a limited number of new clients every month. Don’t wait another week. Click here to schedule your consultation and secure your family’s rest!
See what this mama had to say about our sleep services below:
“I never thought I’d use a sleep coach and I could just figure it out, but I ended up reaching out to Molly when I was at my breaking point with my 15 month old. He was suddenly refusing naps and waking up early in the morning. The only way we could get him to nap was in the stroller—it was a complete disaster. Working with Molly was the best decision I made and my only regret is not reaching out to her sooner! She not only helped me get my son sleeping in his crib again, but also transition to one nap. She was incredibly patient, supportive, responsive, kind (and the list goes on) throughout the whole process. What I appreciated most was that she always had a rationale for her approach and helped me better understand my toddlers sleep needs. I highly recommend working with her!”
Mom of 15-Month-Old