Do you have a little one who only seems to want to sleep when he/she is in your arms? Oftentimes these babies will tend to sleep soundly when they are held but wake up and cry when they are placed on the crib / bassinet. While holding your baby while they are asleep can seem like the perfect way to cuddle, it can also be somewhat impractical and can even be unsafe to keep holding them in order to avoid them from waking.
If you are seeing this with your little one, it is important to realize that this is completely common among newborn babies. Most newborn won’t sleep unless held and this is completely normal for newborn sleeping habits. Normal or not, this can make us as parents feel exhausted. We are going to talk about the different reasons your infant may be doing this and suggest some better solutions to encourage your little one to sleep in their crib/bassinet longer.
Why Does My Baby Only Sleep When Held?
Your baby experiences comfort by being in your arms
With your newborn it is important to remember that this timeframe is often referred to as the fourth trimester. This is a period of adjustment for your little one to really get used to life outside of the womb. Remember prior to this the only world your baby knew for 9 months was being in the womb, hearing your heartbeat, feeling your warmth.
Your baby may have gas or other discomfort
One of the reasons your baby may not be able to sleep laying down is that they need to burp. Especially if they were just fed. This feeling of needing to burp gets more uncomfortable when laying down. One way to avoid this is by trying to burp them for a little bit longer before attempting to lay them down.
Going along with this if you are breastfeeding and your breasts are often engorged, you might have an oversupply. This can lead to an overactive letdown. Which often causes baby to gasp for air when nursing which can then of course add to gassiness
Your baby may have a Milk and Soy Protein Intolerance (also known as MSPI)
One of the other reasons your little one may not sleep well without being held can be attributed to a Milk and Soy Protein Intolerance. This would have to be diagnosed by a doctor through blood in your baby’s stool. This type of diagnosis can obviously lead to discomfort in your little one. Which would in turn tend to make them more comfortable sleeping in your arms.
Your baby may have silent reflux
Another reason why your little one may not be able to sleep in a flat position can be attributed to silent reflux. Some of the signs that your baby may have this can include being irritable, difficulty sleeping, arched back when feeding. You might also notice baby refusing to feed or them experiencing choking/congestion.
You may be laying baby down wrong
If you are laying your child down too quickly it is possible to elicit the startle reflex which will of course cause baby to wake up. The Startle or Moro reflex is a reflex that is present from when your baby is born. When a baby is startled by a movement or sound their arms, back and neck will extend.
How To Get Baby To Sleep Without Being Held
Now that we’ve covered some of the reasons your baby may not be napping unless in your arms. Let’s get into some of the techniques you can use to help your baby to become more independent with their sleep. This is what we call sleep training which is the concept of teaching your baby to fall asleep independently. I know it may seem farfetched right now, especially if you are holding your baby to sleep, but I am here to help you teach your baby to fall asleep independently!
Create optimal sleep environment
Creating an environment for your baby that is conducive to sleep is vital when trying to get them to sleep on their own. Making sure the room is dark is vital. As it helps to eliminate distractions which may keep your little one awake. You can achieve this by adding light blocking curtains to the windows in your baby’s room.
Another way to make the environment more welcoming for sleep is by adding a white noise machine. This will help once again to eliminate distractions. The white noise will also help to mimic the sound of the womb. Which is a sound that is very familiar and comforting to your baby and will encourage them to sleep longer.
Laying down your baby correctly
This tip addresses the issue of baby’s startle reflex being stimulated. When you are going to put your baby to sleep, it’s important to be sure that you put their feet down. Then bottom, then head, in that order. If you lead with the head, that motion will elicit the moro reflex and will potentially wake them up.
Using a swaddle
If you have not tried using a swaddle with your newborn, now may be the time to try! Using a swaddle helps once again to mimic the feeling of the womb which is naturally a squished, swaddle-like environment. This added level of comfort for your little one can help to allow them to sleep while not in your arms. The swaddle also helps with avoiding the startle reflex being elicited.
Keep Your Smell Close
Your baby gets so used to your scent that it becomes a thing of comfort to them. To achieve this comfort once technique is to take the swaddle blanket and simply wear it under your shirt or bra. This will in turn make the swaddle blanket smell like you. (or your milk if breastfeeding) and will help to comfort your little one when they are not in your arms.
Learn to Sleep Independently
Sleep training involves following your baby’s wake windows and an age-appropriate schedule. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends waiting until 16 weeks (adjusted age) to start any sleep training. My recommendation is to always follow your baby’s cues and signs. When your baby starts to show that they aren’t sleeping as well when held or they are waking more frequently, these are signs that they are ready to sleep independently. At this time you will want to pick a sleep training method. And be consistent with how you put your baby to sleep and how you respond to their wakeups. Another great sleep step to add in at this time is a consistent bedtime routine. Baby’s (and adults) thrive off routine and a bedtime routine is a great way to signal to your baby that it’s time for sleep and will encourage longer stretches.
Next Steps
We hope that these tips will help you with weaning your baby off from those contact naps and get them into a more independent sleeping pattern. If you continue to have issues you can read more tips here on how to stop contact naps. As always please feel free to reach out if you need more help putting any of these tips into practice.
Ready to work with expert sleep consultants to get your baby sleeping in their own sleep space? Want to get your newborn, infant, toddler, or school-age child sleeping in until a normal time? Maybe your goal is to get your child to sleep through the night. Whatever it is, Sleep Shore is here to end the exhaustion and help your whole family sleep better!
Click here to learn more about my sleep coaching programs and which sleep training program is right for you. It’s time to get the sleep you deserve to finally feel well-rested in the morning (yes, it’s possible). See what this mama had to say about our sleep coaching:
“Hiring Molly was hands down one of the best decisions we’ve made. Before working with Molly, our daughter did not nap unless we held her and her schedule was all over the place which did not lead to restful nights! I was overwhelmed with reading about wake windows on the internet and my husband & I were exhausted. We hired a sleep coach to help and after two weeks things were worse than ever. Enter Molly, the sleep genie, who granted our wishes of better sleep. Molly was a pleasure to work with from day one. She really takes the time for her clients and gets to know your child’s sleep patterns and behaviors, which is what we needed. She was extremely responsive, knowledgeable, and helpful. My daughter is now a great napper and sleeps through the night, we could not have done it without Molly!”
–MOM OF AN 8-MONTH OLD